On a regular basis we need to step outside of ourselves to see what condition our condition is in. Sometimes we bump along without getting a true picture of where we’re really headed if we were to stay on our current course – because we feel the afterglow of past good works or spiritual enlightenment.
We sometimes get so enamored by all the spiritual growth surrounding us from past efforts that we don’t notice if there’s actually any new growth taking place. More to the point, impressed by what we’ve accomplished to date – and easily distracted by more entertaining ventures – we can lose our vigilance and fail to plant and cultivate the seeds of future growth.
Coasting on your spiritual reputation is like working hard, saving lots of money and then quitting work to live off the savings. Eventually, the money runs out. Unless you keep investing it.
It is so difficult for us humans – flesh and blood, filled with urges, always looking for the next enticement, and prone to fickleness and fatigue – to be constant in our good resolutions. To be consistent in the truth. To be vigilant in continuing the path we know is the only one that will bring real peace and happiness.
We avoid suffering like the plague, even if we know that by accepting it we prevent a worse kind of suffering down the road. We avoid doing our just duty when the cost of suffering is too high. We’re willing to dodge our duty even when we know it will set a bad example for loved ones, friends and associates.
At times, depending on our level of stress and fatigue, we put up as collateral our spiritual holdings in exchange for gossip, profane or perverse entertainment, indulging our flesh, etc. We wager our holy past and good intentions – I’m basically a good person after all – against all sorts of unholy diversions, betting that we will come around quickly or emerge unscathed. And that is how we slide into one sin after another.
The truth is, we never re-emerge without new wounds after turning our backs on the path of spiritual development. And while it’s true that such diversions and unfaithfulness can – through God’s patience and our contrition – lead to increased spiritual maturity, it’s also true that we create more work for ourselves when we return – if we return at all.
And we might not return. Why? When we sin, when we live out of alignment with the truth, we separate ourselves from God. When we separate ourselves from God, we lose His grace that keeps us out of danger – both physical and spiritual. We not only rupture our relationship with the One who loves us most, but also with others.
We then enter into this false sense of moralism where the ego’s calling the shots. Throwing caution to the wind, we’re determined to explore our desires, try things out and see how they suit us. Before long, we begin to live in the shadows, groping for our next new but strangely disappointing experience, yet never daring to turn on the lights because we know what we would see.
If we’re honest, the first thing we would see is hypocrisy and unfaithfulness to ourselves. That’s if we previously had a solid grounding in right and wrong and we hadn’t seared and charred our consciences too much.
The conscience is like a mirror, and if we dare to look at it, it will show us who we are and where we stand.
The point is to look at that mirror and not at our past achievements. Because the mirror of concience keeps us focused on the validity and morality of our present choices, conclusions and decisions.
We cannot afford to live on spiritual credit. Else, we might run out before the bridegroom returns.